Waving a white flag in the Mummy Wars…

Waving a white flag in the Mummy Wars…

Motherhood. it changes your life. It takes over every itty bitty bit of you. You become this big ball of emotions and its all amplified by, like, 1 million, compared to anything you have ever felt before. More stress, more confusion, more angst, more warm and fuzzys, more pride, more love. It overtakes you, it becomes like a life changing, 24 hour new job, that you get thrown into with no manual and no. fricken. idea…So its no wonder when you have a baby, alot of mothers do a truckload of research. Our mothers read books, or talked to the neighbour about their experiences, it seems like mothers in 2014 have turned to google, or even worse, forums and *shudder* facebook support groups.

Alright, Ill admit it, I got sucked in. Its just in my bones, I am inquisitive, I like to know things, I love having an opinion but i like it to be a well formed, and educated one. When I had really bad anxiety, I spent countless hours on google, researching every disease under the sun, convincing myself I had them all. Tetanus? yep i had it. Heart Attack? Shit, I had one every day. Brain Tumor, Definitely one of those, even after countless checks, I knew i had one, the doctors had just missed it. Soooo, needless to say, when I get committed to the cause, I go full steam ahead. This is what happened after my bub was born. I am a relatively young mum, and the first in my generation to have a baby in my family, so i didn’t have many friends or family members to turn to for advice, thats when I stumbled upon some Facebook “support” groups. They seemed harmless, they seemed informative. I joined a babywearing one, than a breastfeeding one..than it spiralled out of control. I joined group after group and spent hours of the day, seeking advice, giving advice and worst of all.. getting my sanctimommy on. Its what these groups are all about. Whats a Santctimommy? According to Wikipedia its used to refer to a person, usually a female, who has very opinionated views on child rearing and presents them upfront without any sense of humility. Yep. right on sister. thats what I was starting to do.. oh dont worry,at the beginning, I made sure every post I made had a little smiley face at the end of it, or started with, “its your baby and your decision BUT…” I started forming opinions on things that didnt even affect me, circumcision, car seats in the USA, vaccinations, mamas with a bunch of baby daddys…before I knew it,I was in with the cool mums, I was dishing out the advice..i was being..a big bully. It didnt feel good. What started as me looking for advice, turned into a full fledged obsession, I was on these groups for hours a day. Moko was all “I dont think its good vibes babe”. I was all “Im doing whats best for OUR child babe” ugh. It was gross.

And then the cookie crumbled… I got a taste of my own medicine and given a right old talking to by another mother baout one of my parenting decisions. I sat in my bed, my husband and baby asleep, and cried. and it was like high school all over again, I cried because my feeling were hurt, I felt judged and I felt like a shit ass parent. I cried because I made others feel that way, and I cried because this had taken so much time away from my family and my baby.

After much pondering, I wondered what had got into me.. I am, by far, the least judgemental person. I embrace and celebrate difference and dont really care what other people choose to do. thats not my problem. BUT I do have this big old habit of getting caught up in peer pressure. and i am passionate about why I parent the way I do. Its what I am most passionate about. but pasison and peer pressure are dangerous, and it turned into this ugly old world of grown women bullying each other..calling each other names, and just being Judgey McJudge.com.au.

I wonder how as grown women we can still get embroiled in peer pressure masquerading as a “support group”. I think it proves that no matter what there is still a tiny bit of teenage girl in all of us. *ugh*

 

So this is me flying my white flag. surrendering. saying bye bye to the mummy wars.saying bye bye to the competition of who is the best mummy. I need peace and positivity in my life, and surrounding my baby and family. and my journey isnt about pride and proving a point, its about heading upwards and onwards on my path with heart and instinct. and letting every other mama do just that as well.